Clueless begining...

I woke up forcing a smile, I was irritated like I had been in the last few months... How new!

I was with the kid and someone knocked on my door. I love being nice when I'm angry, I wouldn't be nice, I would try to at least be polite.

I ask who it is, I hear a hoarse and low, unknown voice. I didn't want to open it, but I heard a certain urgency and distress in the voice.

My human side made me open up, I see an apprehensive but pleasant face, a nervous smile, but I feel that the man seemed to be more afraid of me than anything else, I must have looked like I had been angry all my life.

"Sorry, I haven't had power since yesterday, I moved in the dark, could you help me?"

And I...wanted to say no, but ok he didn't look like a criminal, and he didn't seem hostile...more easily I was scaring him for sure.

"Okay, I'll just pick up the kid and teach you like I usually do downstairs without having to tell him if he has neighbors at home or not."

"I knocked on your door, because all the others looked like offices."

As always, trying to show my displeasure for bothering me and I didn't even want to interact with humans, I said to him with a friendly face, "The one on my right side doesn't happen to be! But wait, let me just get my son, I'll come down with you"

I went to put Nico his shoes, who was playing in his room with his new car and was in a very bad mood, of course he didn't even accept the shoes, so off we went, with him on my lap. And with the injury from the gym and the post-operation, I silently and in pain carried the child to the ground floor with the neighbor behind, super nervous. This was making me angrier but I knew it must be my attitude that was frightening him.

We arrived and I opened the cupboard on the ground floor, plugged the machine in and he didn't even know how to charge it, I had to teach him as if he were a child. In short, a semi-man more like a baby because I suspected he never lived alone...

We went up there, I went in and he also went to his house, but it didn't take 5 minutes. There he was at my door again.

"Sorry again, but it seems like it didn't work, I didn't want to bother you again, seeing as you're with the kid..."

Tired of climbing 5 floors, I said: "Okay, come in, come on, let's go to the kitchen..."

Nicolas this time was super friendly but he ran to the room of course, but oddly enough he was ok with the man's face...and left us alone...

Once I was in the kitchen repeating the process, entering number by number more attentively and with less irritability, and more patience, he handed me the cell phone as if it were mine...slowly I put it...he leaves everything there with me...he went to his house and saw there was light...he was very grateful and finally left.

This day marked me because remembering months later...lying on the floor of his room naked, after the second time we were together...remembering the day we met...he tells me his side...I remember one way... with meticulous details... but only by combining it with his... that everything became more interesting...

So how did we get to this moment where we were naked on his living room floor? Was it in bed? Or sofa?

Ok, we started in the bedroom...where he doesn't even sleep...

Let's start on the day I was kicked out of Nicolas' father's house, once again, it must have been the 10th time we broke up and I was stupid enough and got kicked out, I don't learn, I've been cheated on for over a year...I don't learn?

That day, I was on my way home full of fear because my operation left me with serious consequences and I was still recovering...it was almost 10pm...and I got into crazy traffic due to an accident on the road and with tears in my eyes. My eyes were swollen and i was trying to calm myself down...I got home at almost 11pm...with 3 heavy bags...crying like crazy...I enter the building...and the neighbor is coming out...

Ah, I didn't even tell you the name, neighbor Fabrizio... I love a common name, here in Madrid how many Fabrizios are there? Anyway...

I Hera Camorra, who has an unusual name here in this country, and here I tend to like people with common name, of course, just to balance...he makes me run to enter the building because he is a gentleman and holds the main gate to the building while I am at least 300 meters away from the entrance... dragging myself with the 3 bags so heavy ... but he was visibly confused whether he should be holding the door or offering to help me with those bags and I was horrified, my face wet with tears, full of pity for myself...

I tried to run again but I almost fall so I walk as quickly as possible, I try not to look too much so he doesn't notice my swollen face... I thank him without making eye contact...

I go up...and I'm on the third floor, this building of the dinnossaur time that doesn't even have have an elevator...I hear someone shouting from outside..."sorry neighbor"...

I thought "my dear greek god...I've been struggling for at least 10 minutes to get through all of this...what happened now?? Can't we suffer in peace? What did he forget or does he need help?" I didn't even have time to wipe my face and he went up faster than I expected...

"Good evening neighbor once again and I'm sorry...but the neighbor lives alone, right?"

I'm very suspicious..."Yes, I live alone with my kid..." Ah, he's a criminal...he wants to rob me and I'm stupid enough and i keep saying everything...

"It's just that, neighbor, I'm going out and I would like to invite you to come with me..."

I start to smile nervously..."Dios mio...neighbor, I'm really, really tired...but you really don't know...it's dark and you can't see..."

"Neighbor, don't get me wrong...it's really friendship situation...don't take it wrong, my name is Fabrizio Diaz, and I promise it's not with malice, trust my word."

I felt invaded by a stupid feeling of relief and vulnerability, I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time, I control myself with a tired smile I say...

" Fabrizio, nice to meet you, but I do believe in your friendship, I'm really tired....

"Tell me your name please..."

"Hera..."

"Neighbor Hera, give me your number, next time I'll make an invitation not with you so tired of course..."

"It's the weekend..try tomorrow..who knows...my number is 034789888...."

He apologizes once again and leaves...

His perfume marks me... so familiar I don't know why, in fact everything about him is extremely familiar, but what marks me most it´s his smell...

I've had almost a month of suffering and crying for Nico's father, I should be dead by now... what the fuck... these last 10 years always the same thing?? I don't change? I'm tired of myself... the incurable romantic... the feeling that I can't live without him and it's the best sex I've ever had in my life I can't get rid of?

We are in a hot week with a lot of technical problems in my prehistoric building, thank goodness Nico is on vacation outside of Madrid, August in Madrid is unbearable and imagine without eletricity in some rooms of the house? Right in the rooms specially, we have to have AC in the summer because the heat is definitely hellish...

I'm tired of being like this and the electricians not being able to solve it, it's the middle of a Wednesday, I went to distract myself by listening to music and dancing at my friend's house who lived nearby, I actually went on foot, sweating for half an hour, I was already used to it , at home it has been the same or worse... we drink and laugh...

My cell phone rings half an hour after I was there, I don't know the number but the identifier shows the name, Fabrizio from Puerta del sol... and I'm thinking it must be from that job I'm going to answer it... my friend "oh no at this time ?? it's almost 8pm..."

And I answered the phone of course, why not? super happy because of the excess alcohol on my system...30 minutes and we drank too fast...

"Good evening... who am I talking to?" my enthusiasm with 2 gins on top and the happiness of a teenager laughing nonstop like a hyena with Letizia for more than 30min. was noticeable...

On the other end of the line, the hoarse voice was calm... and I realized who it was...

"Good evening, neighbor, how are you? Are you at home? I was shopping and I saw something that reminded me of you and I decided to buy it...I want to leave it and I called to see if I can stop by and leave it before I go running..."

"AW, neighbor Fabrizio... I still didn't have your number... and since it took so long for you to call, I thought I gave you the wrong number... but I'm not at home... but as soon as I am, if I see your car parked, I'll knock the door or I'll call you..." I said that with a smile that I don't know if it was from the drink or because it felt good to hear him...

"Okay, then I'm going to run, then when you're home let me know" I felt a smile in his voice too...

At 9:30 pm I went home...slowly and trying to see if the gin wears off before going to knock on the neighbor's door and talk nonsense...or cry about Edu...

I arrive and I can't get in... the access door is automatic and the electricians did such a good job that... not even the door was working now... I called my neighbor Fabrizio directly... I was bold...

"Neighbor, I know you're not at home, but I also advise you not to come over right now...the electricity problem persists and as I know that the neighbor is more affected than me...if you have somewhere to air out after the run...go ahead...the door here in the building doesn't even work..."

"Ok, I just parked...so by the way, neighbor, will you join me for dinner? As I don't have anything to eat at home, and as a single man who lives alone, you know... with only light in the living room, I don't really cook..." jovial laugh... I realized that he was definitely young... maximum 25 he probably would have...

"Okay, I'll come and meet you at the car!!" I was surprised by my answer...but I went calmly and slowly without rushing to feel a few drops of rain on my body, it felt good on that infernal heat, I looked like a run over raccoon, eyes blurred and dressed all in black, pale as Morticia, he was going to get scared of me and send me away as soon as possible...

I get in the car and he's looking for I don't know what on YouTube, he apologizes and explains that he was looking for music to drive... I liked the selection, my style of music... the conversation until the restaurant was super pleasant, he was very smiling and enthusiastic...he seemed to be excited...he told me everything and more...so honest, so true...pure and authentic...that sounds so familiar...

Once we were in the restaurant, he, as a young man, ate a paella alone...he tried to force me to eat, I haven't had an appetite for months, even before I broke up with Edu...I looked like a starving supermodel...so I accepted another gin just because... and i remembered i was already on the third gin tonic... tonight promises i felt... I'll definitely talk to the lion of Narnia...

He explained everything, apologized for the least, he seemed nervous when he looked straight into my eyes... I'm a very intense person, I talk a lot, gestures and i look a lot in the eyes, and that's very me... he was surprised by me and seeing professional potential, astonished by my reasoning... he also drank 2 gin tonics at dinner... I, after my third gin, drank a liter of water because I was already watching everything spinning... I asked for tea because my stomach was killing me...

He paid the bill and asked if I still wanted to go home, I said whatever...he took me to the center, we walked a lot...we went to 3 bars...we ate, drank, laughed...we talked so much, we talked about everything... he was really listening, and I listened and I remember everything he said... he told all his disappointments in love, he talked about his family, goals and passions... so pure... so deep... it made me remind of myself...hence the familiarity...

Suddenly we saw it was already 3am and the bar was closing and we were kicked out of the last bar we went of course and we were the only ones after all...he said "let's go to my house?" and of course I accepted, I was loving the deep and lively conversation with him...I didn't mean it maliciously...I didn't even think he wanted me...I was disgusting...and I felt and very well posted in the friendzone...

We arrived at his house and talked for another hour...it was incredible...and I was so in the mood that's me...that's who I am...weird, abnormal and such an idiot...suddenly he leans over me and starts caressing the left side of my neck, then I just remember him kissing my neck, smelling my hair... then I realized... what was happening, and I thought in the state I was in, i wasn´t going to scare him off...after all, i was in fact seducing him and I didn't even know it! Because I felt so out of his league...

I'm the type of woman who just touches the person's or feels the scent... I already know I'm going to undress, I know if I even want to... I thought oh my god... I'm fucked... I've hadn´t to shave for over a month without action, months without doing anything... a pair of children's underwear that falls on me because i am so skinny... I'm not at all prepared but I feel like it... I think... I was just needy!

He asks permission to kiss me...I didn't even process it well because his mouth was already glued to mine...it was a strange sensation...a nervous, impractical kiss, but it in the best way possible, i was teaching him how I liked it irrationally, but the drink wasn't helping us i guess... clearly we were too drunk to be doing that... we still arrived at his house and drank more cans of gin and tonic... I didn't even know what I was doing half the time, I was in automatic mode and he seemed like he wanted to suck and eat me all without manners... in an urgency...

We got up from the sofa and he decided to show me the whole house and we ended up in his room, then without much more I took off my clothes like a ninja, he stared...not understanding the rush, I didn't want him to see my underwear ...luckily I didn't wear a bra...also accompanied by those children's underwear and clearly not appropriate for the occasion...

He's still half dressed, he apologized that he went for a run and hadn't showered yet, it was the third time he'd told me that, he smelled ok, not bad, but we were both smelling like perspiration, alcohol and cigarettes... we smoke so much and drunk too much...he pulls me by the hand and throws me roughly onto the bed and puts music on the PC to accompany what we were going to do...I'm there looking at the spinning ceiling...

He put on Rnb for sex, that's what the playlist was called...I was super impressed with the detail and I caught the name...I was lying on the bed being kissed on all parts of my body...he was still with his boxers on and I was eager to see what was down there... but he didn't take them off and ran his tongue down my breasts and into my vagina... which, as I had like a bush from the past month, I was a pure cave woman... how he licked me shamelessly, for an eternity and I was embarrassed by the state of the thing...I had to take him away...he stayed for a long time...I couldn't take it anymore. I don't think hookups have to make a fuss about the whole hairy thing...that's for couples.

He came to kiss me then, the kiss was a little more aligned, it was better, he just said that we weren't going to do anything but kiss and touch... and I... a 40-year-old woman knew he was saying that to calm me down ...but I just wanted to feel him inside me...get rid of the anxiety and take the pressure off...

He finally took off his boxers and that's where it all started...his penis is thick and kind of curved to the right...it's the right length and thickness that I like...he keeps teasing me by rubbing it against my clitoris for a long time, I'm a little wet... but I don't know, I was sorry I was there... then when he penetrates me... I felt a pain similar to when I lost my virginity... after the first time I had a penis like that bending over and hitting me on the right side...it was such an intense thing with so many changes in positions that I, drunk, didn't understand what was happening...he was full of strength and will, I didn't understand anything...but he ate me and penetrated me in every way, I felt like I was in a pornographic film, where there is not so much pleasure, there are more injuries than anything else... it was pulling hair, hitting the buttocks... squeezing the neck... I was just going, I felt like a doll and being used like one... I felt that he was accumulating a lot of anger there... I don't know...

I was sorry I was doing that being so drunk, not because i am having sex with him... he's only the second sexiest man I've ever had in my entire life, handsome and very young, not even 30... At 40, I felt like I'm in a hole, I'm there being eaten by that very hard-working boy, but with the hunger of someone who wanted to impress or maybe hadn't done it in a long time...

His kiss made me feel nauseous at times, I couldn't breathe because of the positions...my stomach hurt, I almost vomited...I was super annoyed because i was still drunk... we had been there for a long time and I knew i was doing too much...he came inside me...then I remembered...that he hadn't put a condom on...and I asked him before...but then he said nothing will happen...

I was paranoid... I was in pain and burned wanted to run away from there... but he didn't let me... he was still excited, oh god, I wish I had the energy of these young people... put on loud music from a singer I love and pulled me to dance ..I start laughing and for a minute I forgott the pain...he made me laugh and I forgott that strange experience we had and the pain even went kind of numb...

It starts to rain and the two of us are at the window dancing and talking...he opens everything and we get wet in the rain...dancing and holding each other...I feel his lust returning...and ready for the second time and of course this time it was inevitable... Then I just got with the music he was playing..i am good with that... I believe that this time I wasn't as drunk as before... it wasn't as bad as the first time... but I was drier than a prune because I had my pussy so burned... it was on the sofa this time how we started and in a very pornographic way again, a lot of spanking, he doesn't moan as much...but he growls a lot...which is interesting...a lot of hair pulling again, a bit too rough, insults in my ear like i am his whore, and tells me " to wet his dick" and i demand almost laughing... give me that dick" and I'm in my head thinking... "no way... there's no connection yet... I'm more interested in vanilla sex lately... 10 years of vanilla sex doesn't disappear from the system like that...i need to be in love...fuck!!"

He finished inside me once again...but it was automatic this time, I pushed him away and ran to the bathroom, expelling as much sperm as possible through my urine and washing myself obsessively to get rid of that smell, how lucky I was to be taking the pill... but how irresponsible of me... I barely knew him...could catch a fucking sexual disease...

I find him talking nonsense on the sofa more here and there... he was still drunk I believe... I wanted to leave and he asked... "just prepare me a coffee and a toast please"... and fell asleep ...I hear him snoring softly...I try to find everything in that typical rich single guy's kitchen that has everything and more, but poorly organized...I think it took me more than 10 minutes just to find the things...Fuck now It was 7am...I have to go home...I have a meeting at 11am...

I prepare the table and wake him up...I don't know how to act with him...he sits down as I leave and call him...I went to kiss him on the forehead...he looks at me confused, I feel sleepy...and I ran away...embarrassed, confused.

Thursday was...weird. I didn't sleep, I was traumatized, processing what had happened...

Continued in the next post...